It really wasn't what I wanted to do, but it seems to be sitting alright in my craw. It is time for Miss Neverpoop (yup, she's at it again) to start pre-school, I couldn't afford out of state tuition for graduate school, and our house in Kansas hasn't sold. This left us financially pinched. And, let's face it, I'm not a homebody. I had expected to be able to work on painting, repairing, sorting, organizing, and unpacking. Instead, I found myself pacing the boxes in our garage, fuming at life. Not a good scenario. The depression was creeping in.
It was actually that silly meme blog I posted that really pointed it out. If I was a color, I'd be gray. Dr. Wife was surprised by this.
Dr. Wife: I thought your color would be blue.
me: No, I've always been gray.
Dr. Wife: No. In college, and for quite some time after, you were blue. Not bright blue, but true blue.
me: I suppose. But I'm certainly gray now.
Dr. Wife: I know, but you can change that.
So I got to thinking; what was it that made me gray? The truth is, it was not having a dream and the opportunity to pursue it. College was a time for dreams, and I lived them fully. I thought that the future held something for me, and that I was gaining by pursuing. I was alive in a very blue way.
I haven't felt that way in a long time. I haven't really had a dream or a goal. Being around my friends in Mexico reminded me that people admired and respected me, but I don't really understand why. So I have gone back to something that used to inspire me; teaching.
As for the burnout, I was certainly there. But it seems that time off treats me just as badly. I am hoping that working with such a very different bunch of kids, in a very, very different setting will help me feel connected again. I am also teaching a course that I am not even remotely familiar with. It will be nice to be a student again. Speaking of which, one of the perks to this new job is that they will pay for me to take a course every semester, even working on a Master's degree. I can have my cake and eat it, too.
So it remains to be seen... will this be good, or bad. My only concern is that the large jug of holy water just down the stairs from my room boils every time I pass...
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2 comments:
So it remains to be seen what teaching catholic school girls means as far as difference from public school kids. However, either way, and wether or not they ever truely realize it, they will be better off having you as a teacher.
i think whether good or bad, it'll make for one heck of a chapter in a book one day....
and if it doesn't work out, there's always your budding career as an international male supermodel. :~)
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