I am attempting to distill from the masses of people I encounter the true essence of Texan. Although the stereotyped "cowboy" and "Mexican" can be found, I'm pleasantly surprised at the range of characters. It is refreshing to know that my previous definition of "Texan" needs to change. So I am going to try to define and experience these common Texan commonalities, or Texanalities, as I filter them. My goal is to allow you, my precious reader, the dream of becoming a Texan without ever having to give into the stereotypes that you so feared (such as Fat Rattlesnake Rancher).
Aspect 1: Lone Star Beer. It seems to exist solely in 16 oz. tall cans, though it has recently been created as a "lite" beer. It is the favorite of cowboys, blues musicians, punks, psychobillies, and texicans alike. Upon cracking one of these tallboys open, one immediately tastes its peers: Schlitz, Natural Light, and Old Milwaukee. If it weren't for the good blues at the bar while I was consuming this rusty-urine flavored carwash water reject, I would have puked it back into the can. I will never drink it again. Ever. But since I have consumed one, I am closer to being Texan.
Aspect 2: Cowboy Boots. I am going to buy a pair. I haven't worn any since I was six, and I doubt that pair would fit anymore. It seems you don't have to be a cowboy to wear them here. Just willing to commit to wearing jeans. We may wait for winter for this experience. It seems that a true Texas man doesn't mind dehydrating through his undercarriage, but I like to let a cool breeze in from time to time. Cowboy boots around here can be worn with suits, slacks, dresses, kilts, jeans, but not shorts. It is amazing what a variety there are. There will be an entire blog about the shopping trip. Just you wait...
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4 comments:
maybe we should arrange a crap beer tasiting, we can aquire shlitz ice, natty lite, the beast, and lone star. then we can find out whose stomach revolts first and reaches up thru their esophogas to throttle thier brains for attempting to do something so stupid.
does new year's eve work?
i'm trying to remember whether or not i've had been since college.
i think i did, once. then i remembered that, well, i was out of college, and therefore had outgrown the beast and bud light.
That fat rattlesnake farmer is probably the man responsible for the cowboy boots that you see walking around Texas you know. He is out there. Don't be fooled
Not having read all your posts, but enough to know you recently moved to San Antonio, you give no indication where you moved from.
Having been born in Texas and raised there, but a transplanted Southern California for 37 years, I appreciate your humor in this post. You pretty much have it down right!
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