Duck, dodge, parry, thrust...

One of my favorite books is called Snow Crash, by Neal Stephenson. In this book the main character, Hiro, thinks to himself,

"every man believes that he is tough. And when he believes he isn't tough, he still envisions that if he were to seclude himself in a Tibetan shaolin monastery and train for years, he could become the toughest, most bad-ass man alive." *

It is because of this, as well as a knowledge that someday boys will want to date my daughter, that I want to enroll her in a traditional Kung-Fu school. There, she would learn to kill with her bare hands, balance on bamboo poles, snatch the pebble from my hand, and wield the un-em-ori death touch. What father doesn't want this? Can there be an end to my life more honorable than my daughter driving her tiger strike through my chest to rip out my beating heart, screaming "I WILL marry, father, and your corpse will sit there quietly as I do!!"? I think not...

Dr. Wife, on the other hand, is a closet ballerina. While I am delivering deadly blows to imaginary enemies in the mirror, she is quietly doing pirouettes and plies, delicately balancing on her tip toes. The prettiness of it causes me some trauma, but I understand that all girls are raised to be prancing ballerinas (unless their fathers intervene with instructions regarding the proper usage of meridian pressure points in combat situations).

This has caused within our household the achievement of a compromise. Young Pie has taken her first gymnastics class at the local gymnastics/cheer/dance academy. Complete with leotard. How is this a compromise? The first years of Kung-Fu training involve teaching flexibility, resiliance in falls, balance, coordination, and the ability to follow direction from the Master. So does gymnastics. Dance focuses on basic moves, stretching and strength, balance, and an appreciation for grace and prettiness. So does gymnastics.

It remains to be seen where the Young Wonder will take this. She may choose to compete, to cheer, to dance, to ballet, to Kung-Fu, or none. But she will be prepared for the time when she must leap to the air and snap a kick into the throat of a young suitor who asked to hold her hand.

*This is quoted poorly from memory. Read the book, as it relates strongly to the influence of language on the development of society and the roots of communication. And it has a guy with a nuke tied to his brain.