With a drink

I'm having troubles gripping the idea of my imminent move south. I have made a list of chores to do, easily beyond my means, and am merely biding my time until the move occurs.

Then what?

This is really the part of this that is giving me the most trouble. At some point, I will be in Texas. Here are my top contenders:

1. Go back to school to study business.
2. Go back to school and get a masters in something so that I can teach at a community college.
3. Get some IT training and an IT job (exactly what, I don't know).
4. Find some mindless job, maybe in a coffee shop serving cookies and cappuccino.
5. Sit in the fetal position and worry about this damn house not selling and watching our few months of two paychecks whither away into oblivion.

It is weird for me to be so directionless. It will also mark the first time in 25 years I am outside of an academic setting. It has been easy to just follow it along. Stepping out has me weirded out.

Mostly, I just feel adrift. I am not a provider, a homeowner, a leader, a teacher, a band mate, or any of the other titles that have comforted me over the years. I feel like the title of dad is the only one left for me. And although it's a good job, and one that I want to do better than any other, it leaves me lonely for Me. I'm not improving anymore, and I lack the drive to decide how to go about it.

I'm growing a mental beer gut, I think.