Weak Skillz

One of the things I hate to hear most is "Daddy, I need piggy tails."
Now, don't get me wrong, I think my daughter looks a-dor-a-ble in pigtails. They bounce as she skips along her merry little way.

But good god I am completely hair-tie incompetent. Clips, bands, ties, braids, ponytails, pigtails, parts: It always ends in tragedy. 30 minutes of me combing the poor kid's head always ends with a touch-sensitive tangle with lopsided, uneven, destined-to-disintegrate fountains of hair. Her fine hair pulls sideways in odd bunches, leaving what appear to be bare patches of scalp! No, she is not balding. Her father is just retarded.

Why don't I get someone to teach me, you ask? I have. I have tried hanging her head over the edge of the bed. I have tried using lotion to help keep the fly-aways down. I have listened to countless dissertations from Dr. Wife on the fine art of the temporary ponytail used while hair gathering occurs. I even googled "incompetent idiot ponytail help" just for fun. All I got was a picture of me in college.

So today, we have one ponytail, cornrow-esque combing lines, a headband, and two clips. I know, she is still the best looking thing walking around. But her hair is a billboard to poor parenting. Dr. Wife had nothing to do with it. I take all blame.