All Along...

I don't even know how to write a blog anymore. I used to do this because I needed to talk, and couldn't. Or I needed to create, and couldn't. It made me feel less alone than I do most times. Now it haunts me.
Do I use this to open up? I'm carrying a lot of hurt right now. If I dump that all here, people will want to fix me. The broken boy. And frankly I can't stomach that.
Do I use this to be funny? It feels strained, painful. It just isn't in me anymore.
Do I share my daughter's growth, and revel for a moment in the one great thing I have done? I think right now I just enjoy her when she's here, and try very hard to stop thinking when she isn't.
The thing is, I'm not the man I was, nor the man I want to be, and the man I am is not good enough. So why chronicle it all?
So I give myself a week. If I'm not compelled to write in a week, the blog goes away.
Thanks for reading, and don't worry about me too much. It's just words.