Right now, I would like a clue. A little insight. I'm having a tough time not getting bogged down in the moment. For the first time since high school, I feel like I'm in high school. And in case you didn't know me then, that isn't a good thing. I lack confidence, perspective, reality, and drive. I find it difficult to trust. I'm quick to anger and cynical. My heart pounds with fear. I'm getting fat again.
"Unclench," I tell myself. "Really, it works its way around, this world. You don't have to push it." I'm carrying the baggage of the past few years too heavily. My past mistakes, losses, responsibilities, and failures are heavy like dripping canvas laid over my head.
And that's not right. Why is it so easy to feel those burdens but so difficult to remember the blessings, wins, privileges, and successes? Why don't they dry those canvases, fill them with laughing gases and launch me into the air? Maybe they do for you. I hope so. For me, it's tougher.
There are some fundamental principles that I want to live by, and I will try to adhere to them better this year. Here are the ones of which I am aware:
1) My daughter first.
2) My happiness is my responsibility, and I can't ignore it.
3) Trust my gut on people. I'm really never wrong when I listen.
4) Get past the grudges.
5) Breathe deeply.
Goodbye 2008. You did a good job of proving to me that I still don't have a clue. But really, that hasn't stopped me yet.
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3 comments:
You forgot to add to your list:
6.) Get your ass back to KC for a all-night RPG marathon.
It'll be good for the soul.
Gregg is right. Get your ass back go KC and I'll buy you a beer at Freestate.
Dude! I am totally right there with you. I feel completely lost and have no motivation at this juncture. I am trying to get some inspiration in my future plans, but right now there is just nothing clicking. Maybe we should start bouncing ideas off each other?
Keep your head up man, you aren't the only one lost out here.
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